Is It HELPFUL?

I have learned [from meetings] to ask myself three questions when I am finding that I am overwhelmed, or faced with life's curveballs. These questions are to be applied to my thoughts about X, Y, and/or Z.

The questions are:

• Is it True?

• Is it Logical?

• Is it Helpful?

Sometimes to all 3 questions, the answer is "no."

Other times,

things can be true,

and they can also be logical;

But when I ask myself if they are helpful thoughts to have I have to say: "no," they are not.

This is easy to discover, but not so much to accept.

When I am in these moments of distress and the thoughts are weighing heavily, I can feel helpless. I think: Great, I am in a terrible situation where X distressing event is true, and logical... on top of it the thoughts I am having about it are NOT HELPFUL.

I have a mantra I use in moments like these, which helps me to feel less helpless. In This Moment, I am Safe.

I find myself a quiet space, or turn myself away (if I am in the inescapable company of others), close my eyes and repeat this phrase. Then I talk to myself: Emily, you are safe right now. I have enough money [in this very moment], I am warm [in this moment], Nobody is coming after me...etc. I find that listing my present moment safeties helps me to overcome and focus on the moment.

As a person who dotes on the past, and worries about the Future, I find that this exercise grounds me. I am an introverted individual and require the time to reflect and come back to the present moment. By focusing on the worry-free situation I am currently in I am able to consider what I can do right now about X, Y, and/or Z, which can help me to STOP the thoughts, and carry on forward.

I find that re-focusing on the present moment (which I have control of and can actively participate in) helps distract me from unhelpful thoughts and ruminations that end up taking a lot of time that I later feel guilty about wasting.

If you are interested in learning more about tolerating distress and methods to manage it, please visit the free workbook from the Centre for Clinical Intervention

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