Something I regularly felt during my early stages of recovery from alcohol was guilt and shame. While these emotions can be negative and often very uncomfortable; they act as a moral compass for us. My guilt and shame would be a result of getting caught in a lapse or relapse. But, these feelings alone wouldn't stop me from continuing my over-consumption of alcohol. I regained a sober state they would endlessly harp on me. All I could think about was what a horrible person I was. This would eventually lead to merciless attempts to regain trust from my family and loved ones, in which I would often provide them with what was left of my stash.
At first this worked. I would watch as they angrily poured the contents of my wrong coping mechanism down the drain. Yet, afterwards there was still an air of anger, and even disgust emanating from them. They were all growing tired of my antics and knew this was not the last time they would be taking this action.
What really helped was when I started to actually show them the spots I hid my alcohol. Or when I described my telling signs that I was agitated and wanting to use. I was telling on myself, not to seem better in their eyes, but to protect our relationship from further crumbling. In the process this would also educate my family on how big of an issue my drinking had actually become. In the moment it was always a tough decision to make. I couldn't take my words back and these secrets would no longer be that. They would be public knowledge in the realm of my family life.
While I ultimately felt liberated as my hiding places were growing scarce and recovery was becoming more of a reality; shame and embarrassment were side-effect emotions I experienced. This is completely normal, however it went away as I could no longer use those methods to use. I wasn't a bad person, because I didn't have the ability to be.
Radical Honesty, has a complex definition which is mixed with the explanation as well as the results of practicing it:
"Based on the bestselling book by Dr. Brad Blanton, the practice of Radical Honesty is not to be confused with a moral obligation to tell the truth. It is a way to liberate yourself from being at the mercy of your untrustworthy reactive mind and to get to a place where you forgive other people and yourself at the same time." (Radical Honesty)
To continue the definition from Dr. Brad Blanton's website:
"Being Radically Honest means you tell the people in your life what you’ve done and plan to do, what you think, and what you feel. It’s the kind of authentic sharing that creates the possibility of love, intimacy, aliveness, and action." (Radical Honesty)
There is a liberation in being honest. Practicing radical honesty in relation to my addiction helped me to feel in control, and even gain a sense of pride with each divulsion of truth. I no longer told myself that I was a bad person, instead I could think of myself as an honest one. One worthy of forgiveness, and one who really is trying to get better.
Radical honesty assisted me in gaining what I wanted: a life without alcohol.
If you are looking for more resources on Radical Honesty, In her book: "Dopamine Nation," Author Anna Lembke devotes a chapter to explaining it.
This is something I did before I knew there was a term for telling on myself. It has helped keep me accountable to others and myself. Most importantly, I am able to live my life without those old possibilities anymore.
Last thought: What is something you would like to be radically honest about? If you don't yet feel comfortable sharing with a professional or loved one, write it down somewhere or write a radically honest letter to yourself. :)
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