Living with an eating disorder
- Emily Hart
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
I would like to start this post saying that eating disorders are complex and come in several combinations, severities, and types. Although treatment may include “eating a F**king [INSERT FEAR FOOD HERE],” and managing exercise and movement; it is not that simple to fix. Mechanical eating is a dutiful part-time job of a recovering individual, but we can get to that in another post. Or, my therapist has written an article about this you can find HERE.
For me having an eating disorder and being in recovery means 99% of my brain is focused on it. It is a full time job. Constantly thinking, managing, and making time for it leaves little time left for the individual. Many of us can function in society, but this is a dangerous area to be in. These thoughts don’t go away and take a break during work. They only thin out the person’s cognitive and physical abilities. Henceforth, stress, anxiety, depression…etc. may crop up. Emotions are real. Even if they are being band-aided by mental health or addiction.
Severe enduring eating disorder is a label psychiatrists give to people who have lived with an eating disorder for so long that they think it is untreatable. Believe it or not, the Alberta government supports programs for this. eye roll These courses provided send a strong and sad message that the individual is stuck as they are. It tries to make the best of the treatable situation by teaching people to just live with this terrible mental illness. I refuse that label. Everyone can recover, but it takes a lot of support and mental strength from the individual.
There is hope! The stages of change wheel has room for relapse and gradual return into the cycle of recovery.
It is important to check-in with our emotions regularly using wise mind. For example: If I see another person with an active eating disorder (sometimes you can just tell by looking at each other), rather than getting jealous and comparative I can rationalize my wrong belief that “I am fat,” “I am unworthy,” “I should do x, y, z,” to look more like that person.
Instead I use wise mind to tell myself that they are struggling. It is not a happy place to be in. Maybe they haven’t found the right support or aren’t ready yet for recovery. I can tell myself a positive affirmation (e.g. “In this moment I am safe [list ways that I am safe].”). I can identify my emotion; in this scenario it is jealousy.
I can think about what this emotion entails:
Synonyms of the word
Interpretations of the event
Biological changes and experiences of Jealousy
Expressions and Actions of Jealousy
Aftereffects of Jealousy*
*From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, By: Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsh M. Linehan.
**Handouts are attached to this article
I have been in treatment twice and the everlasting hope of chasing happiness is near impossible for me. This doesn’t mean that I can’t be proud of how I look when I dress up or am having a good day; it means that more days than not I am finding it difficult to feel and understand my complex emotions. There are a lot of resources out there to find out the way of identifying, feeling, and connecting with emotions in a healthy way. A mental health practitioner, therapist, psychiatrist, or online help. Together we can learn about emotions, how they present themselves in our bodies and thoughts, and how to ride the waves of them.
I hope that we can all find strength and love within ourselves to continue to stay on the difficult, but life-giving path of recovery. :)
Love you my beating hearts! Emily Hart
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