Friday, August 18, 2023
Today's Intention is the song: "What Was I Made For" By: Billie Eilish
Let's reflect and dig into the lyrics:
What Was I Made For
By: Billie Eillish
I used to float, now I just fall down
I used to know, but I'm not sure now ↷ I'm not sure of which direction I am going in life. I'm still
What I was made for in recovery. There is a long period of time after inpatient
What was I made for? that I still need to focus on recovery and doing it on my own.
Takin' a drive, I was an ideal
Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real
Just somethin' you paid for ➳ I was functioning with my ed, but I paid heavily with my health:
What was I made for? ⋅ severe tooth decay (missing tooth) ⋅ hair loss ⋅ kidney disease ⋅
➴ (most of which happened before I turned 30)
'Cause I, I
I don't know how to feel
But I wanna try ⇢ I do try! I see my therapist and dietician on a weekly basis.[Right now] I've taken a step
I don't know how to feel backwards, but if I accept the help that is given to me I might learn how to feel and
But someday, I might cope with my feelings.
Someday, I might
Mm, mm, ah
Mm, mm, mm
When did it end? All the enjoyment
I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend
It's not what he's made for
↳ I don't want my relationship with my partner to turn into a parent/child relationship with him monitoring my ed and co-regulating my consistent emotions. It's not his job.
What was I made for?
'Cause I, 'cause I
I don't know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don't know how to feel
But someday, I might
Someday, I might
Think I forgot how to be happy
Somethin' I'm not, but somethin' I can be ➙ My therapist often tells me that there is a life outside
Somethin' I wait for of an ed, and she is so excited for me to write about
Somethin' I'm made for something other than the thing that is [currently]
Somethin' I'm made for always on my mind.
P.S. I hope to make this a live stream on YouTube or Instagram where a discussion can be had weekly at a regular time. :)
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